Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
