just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize