Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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