He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
