Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
