Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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