Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
