im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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