better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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