we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
