We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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