So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
