I am spending my child support on dildos
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
