She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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