I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
