someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
