My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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