8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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