Kiss
Puke
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
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good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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