Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
