Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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