She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
