if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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