she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
