It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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