Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
