I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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