addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
