you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
