its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
