this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
