If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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