Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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