i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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