No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
