arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
