you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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