Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
