just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
