If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
