and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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