Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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