Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
