so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
