His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
