The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
