I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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