I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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