The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
