I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
