laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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