who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You pole danced in your parka.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
