All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
