i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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