I'm really into asian looking animals
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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