You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
