did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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