Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
