so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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