just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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