I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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