I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
