If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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