That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
