she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just had sex bonerless
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
