At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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