apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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