Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
