Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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