He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
