i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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