I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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