and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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