I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize