Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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