I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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