dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
