Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
