Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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