just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
