Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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