Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
